Confessions from Sister Margaret Mary

I had a friend of mine tried to encourage me today.  What she said wasn't too harmful but I took it the wrong way.  I suppose I'm a bit narcissistic and feel when I'm in a bad mood I should have understanding not some type of pep talk or "it could be worse" talk.  As a child, my feelings were constantly denied so now as an adult, I cautiously try and display what I'm feeling and when it backfires...I'm mad for sharing my vulnerability.  If I'm upset, let me be upset...that's all.   With all that said now I feel free to comment on some things that happened recently that made me happy.  Things that made the inside of my heart smile.  For instance, today I was on the deck looking in from the outside...Miss Mya came over to the door (which she knows she shouldn't be) and preceded to lick the door once, like a dog, and simply turned around and walked away.  I was hysterical...all by myself.  I couldn't get mad, I just laughed.   And the pure joy in watching Eleanor take her first steps on her own last week.  There really is not something as profound as watching a baby turn into a toddler...your sweet helpless infant turn into an independent little person.  It was beautiful, just as beautiful as with Addison and Mya...just different, unique and special as each child is.  What else?  Addison and I were doing homework tonight and he had to write a letter to a relative.  He chose his cousin Jasmin.  As we were deciding what he was going to say at the end of the letter, I said why don't you say "I love you."?  He responded, my 5 year old big boy son of mine, by saying, "Mommmm, don't be gross!"  My firstborn, all grown up.  It really was funny but sad, a grieving sad, at the same time.  As a mother, its always a harsh reality to realize, your children WILL grow up.  Anyway, here's another funny...there are times when Alvin has made me upset and I feel the need to let him pay for it but using my mean, angry tone and not look at him.  Well sometimes that just sets us up for a lovely fight, but sometimes Alvin just doesn't think its worth it and he calls my bluff and as I try as hard as I might to stare away and "be angry", he'll joke with me, poke me and ask me why won't you look at me?  And there you have it, humor won.  And saved us from some stupid, petty fight.  I absolutely love when that happens.  Here's one other thing that made me so happy.  I was driving to clean a house the other day on highway 55 when I looked across the median to the opposing traffic and saw a woman walking from her stranded car on the side of the highway.  A few yards in front of her was a man walking from his pickup truck towards the woman carrying a gas can. I smiled and I thought, who would have thought....God is still alive and working in people's hearts.  Amen.  So there's a few things...for the record, my mood has yet to change but helps put this life into perspective.  Oh, one more thing I can't fail to mention, when my husband brings in the mail or brings down the trash cans from trash day...top of the line, make me happy!!