Confessions from Sister Margaret Mary

Alvin and I went to the bookstore today, a rare occasion but one I enjoyed none the less. He was on pursuit of a book a friend told him about that he felt he must read.  They didn't have it but we  we're still able to enjoy our time there.  I was able to read my favorite magazine "Mothering" and peruse the endless displays of books.  I always leave the bookstore with some lesson or feeling that will stay with me...something that I chew on and allow my mind to explore.  Unfortunately, in the past it has usually been a negative thought.  Such as, I am so indecisive, I can't read anything because I can't even decide what to read.  Today though, probably because I was distracted by the immense amount of back pain I'm feeling, I was calm and didn't entertain any negative thoughts.  I just looked.  Without getting all wordy as to what I read and what it said, I'll just tell you what I left with.  I was left thinking about that still, small voice inside of all of us that we often don't listen to but is there for our listening to and learning from.  I have thought so many times before, what is it like to hear that voice?  I need to find out and I'd probably be wiser if I did.  Well, today I realized I have heard that voice recently and I have listened to it.  Now I understand why people don't usually want to listen to it and how hard it can be to simply accept what it's saying as your own thoughts and feelings.   Going back to my point, my inner voice told me I like being alone.  In the past when hearing that I would have disregarded it as hogwash and gone on.  But I allowed myself the space to entertain the idea of liking to be alone.  What does that say about me? If I like being alone then why did I get married?  Is this the reason my marriage has been so hard?  Why did I have children?  Do I not really love them?  No, I think that it simply means that, I like being alone.  I think our inner voice tell us the truth about ourselves in an unbiased way.  I'm used to my inner voice saying something negative but in reality it only speaks truth.  I just like being alone...no implications.  I don't know if I have made sense...my hope is that I have....it was just an "ah, ha" moment and I wanted to share it with you.